"Suche gut gebauten 18-30 jährigen zum schlachten...“ - Der Metzgermeister

I am feeling amused - I just hole-punched Shelly's hair and cut off a piece of it. :D

When I started this blog originally, I did mean for it to be a daily outlet where I could express my day-to-day thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I did unload a lot onto here and it did help - but a lot of the time, I didn't feel like dragging everything back up, dredging through it all and writing it up. Also, I didn't always keep up with the daily blogging idea - I'd leave empty ones then return to them later to update them.

I'm not going to stop the blog entirley - I'm just going to blog when I feel I need time to unload, or if there's been something I want to document. Although this webpage to me, among other things - is a sweet representation of the majority of my life at the age of 17 and some of 18. If I'd kept blogging daily until the end of January, I would have managed it for a whole year, but things don't always work out the way you plan.


Recently, my depression had dropped to the lowest it had ever been - I was getting into fights, refusing to work, struggling to move, getting frustrated with all of my barriers and blocks that prevented me from doing what I wanted to do. So, my English tutor had a talk with me on Monday, as did the college advisor Alison.
Basically, she told me I needed to get myself sorted - they both said now that it's been going on for so many years and that I was at the point where I couldn't cope with it anymore, I ought to now see a doctor about it.

I didn't want to - I was nervous, I was scared. I did ask Shelly if she'd come with me - and she agreed to - but that was planned for Friday.
On the bus home Tuesday, I'd just thought about a lot of things that had been mounting up for the past few months, including the argument I'd had with Shelly on Monday night, when I'd cut myself infront of Ashleigh, how concerned Adam seemed to be getting, how my college work was being affected...

I got off the bus and it was snowing. I shook my head - deciding if mam asked why I was late home, I'd say that the buses were taking the piss - as they sort of were anyway.
So I went to the doctor's. Alison and I had compiled a list of my symptoms - as I'd said that depression wasn't an ailment that could be presented like a rash or a broken arm, it's not something you could see - and I didn't feel comfortable with just blurting things out.
But, although I had my list in my satchel with me - I didn't even use it. On the way to the chemist, it started hailstoning and the snowstorm got worse.
It's so sweetly ironic that all of this was happening in the midst of a beasty snowstorm.

So now I'm on antidepressants. I always had an aversion to the idea, what with the negativity spoken about them. But the doctor assured me that they weren't addictive.
Though problems did occur - he said that if I wanted a repeat perscription - which I'll probably need in a month's time - I'd have to go to my registered GP - which is fucking miles away.
Also, I didn't want my mam to end up giving me some tablets that shouldn't be mixed with the antidepressants. I went to tell her six times, but bottled it every time. She asked me why I kept mooching about, but I just got frustrated and said that I wasn't.

Wednesday - I told my dad about it.
He says that he's not angry with me, he says he's angry with the doctor for giving them to me. But then he went on to say that I'm 18 now, I'm an adult - and that I can make my own choices. He did seem disappointed though - after I'd said something was bothering me and I blurted it out, he put his hand to his face and sighed.
Later on the night I'd said: "Can you cut this pizza for me, because I'm shit." - meaning, I was shit at cutting pizzas - which I am.
To which he responds: "You're not shit. If there's one thing you're not, it's shit - so don't ever say that." - he did that fucking voice that he does when he's drunk and he makes me cry.

On Tuesday I went to an ALS session with Angela and I completed a page of English coursework - and I'll go to more sessions until it's finished.
I've chosen to only tell a select handful of people about these tablets. I'll only tell my counsellors, tutors and closest friends. Of which, I've obviously told Sarah and Alison - and oddly enough, I caught Dianne too and let her know. She seemed really surprised - where Alison just seemed shocked that I'd actually gone ahead and done it. In additon to those who ought to know - I obviously told Shelly - along with Michaella, Lewis and Adam. All of them seemed shocked too. Adam's face was just beyond description. I got an eyebrow raise from Lewis - Shelly seemed angry - but Michaella was the least responsive of them. I'm still waiting to tell Ashleigh. I was thinking about telling her over the phone, but I'm debating on that idea a little.


I did feel the highs of them today though - at about 12 noon I was absolutley off my tits - constantly talking and even being confident to start singing LADY GAGA - POKER FACE to Lewis in the LRC, complete with HAND GESTURES. I'm not sure who was more confused - him or me.


My new year's resolutions were to help myself. - I think I've taken the first step towards that one...
My other was a secret - well, they were both secrets, I'd not told anybody except Alison - but my 2nd one was to write again. Using DATWBSVOH as a starting point.

Instead of going for perfection - I've decided to leave it virtually as it comes out - thus I've chosen the style of 1st-person-stream-of-conciousness. So far, it has its little points where it's of my old high standard - generally,it's of my reasonable standard - but parts of it are fucking hilarious, it's turning out to be way funnier than I'd ever imagined.

Tess was upset the amount of times I’d been sent home with black eyes and bloody noses, but she was more upset when I’d been sent home for attacking my food technology tutor with a rolling-pin and whisk when she’d criticised my bacon-banana flan. Ditto the time I’d re-programmed all of the printers in the ICT suite to ...print out hundreds of A4 sheets of paper with “PICKLED VAGINA” written on them in size 72.

Tess came home and found me laid on the rug in the lounge, wearing my shorts and striped jumper, letting Wolfgang run up and down my sleeves and feeding him dried banana chips. I’d closed the curtains and turned on all the lamps, giving the room a soft ambient glow. I was listening to Mozart’s Requiem on full volume an...d simultaneously reading a soft-core porn magazine. Sometimes gran knows that it’s best not to ask.

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Adam and I upheld our Boxing Day tradition this year.
(Pmsl, I originally wrote BOXY DAY - thought it would be amusing to document it, it made me giggle.)

Last year we didn't get to see each other - for reasons I don't quite remember - but this year, he came down to see me. He even went to the length of walking down to South Bank from Normanby in the ice.
Every Boxy Day Adam and I spend it together - playing any new games we've gotten, eating Christmas chocolate and general leftovers - like cold pigs in blankets.

This year, we had my shiny new Xbox 360 to play with. I don't care what dad and Ian say - her name is Abigail. I know it doesn't sound right - but I've always wanted to name something Abigail.
It's got a 60GB harddrive, but like 10GB of it was being used by shitty trials of arcade games. I deleted them all off, along with all of the shitty themes that were taking up space. Some of the space they were taking up would have been enough for a few game saves. Jeez.
I kept the only full arcade game that was on there - Hexic HD. Oddly enough though, I got hooked on it. After I'd gotten the first few achievements, I wanted to go for some of the sillier out-of-the-way ones.

I remember Adam's comment: "You've got all these new games - Brutal Legend, Alone In The Dark, Banjo-Kazooie, Overlord - AND YOU'RE PLAYING FUCKING HEXIC."
- I pissed like.

He did eventually persuade me to play Alone In The Dark.
It is pretty good from what we've played so far. We were alternating play most of the time. Although, because I get so hyper with him, we'd drank a shitload of Coke and ate like two bags of chocolate coins - I was giggling constantly. You can't play any game that's supposed to be tense or spooky with me - because I'll just laugh constantly. When I'm with Adam anyway - the sleepover nights I spent with Shelly and Ash playing Resident Evil, I was nothing like this.

I also gave him my present - the Family Guy figurines, a Terry's Chocolate Orange and a 'Grow Your Own Gay Best Friend' - which I'd seen in TopShop and instantly thought: "OMGLOLADAM." He seemed happy with his stuff though - so I was pleased. And we ate the chocolate orange promptly, lmfao.


I did eat too much though - I was crippled over in pain come around ten - it was like heartburn, constipation and indigestion combined. Though when I rang Shelly, she wasn't at all sympathetic when I told her everything I'd eaten: rice, a turkey sandwich, pigs in blankets, chocolate coins, peanuts, half a bottle of coke, half a bar of chocolate and half a pizza...
Perhaps I did eat a bit too much. :/

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The longer I seem to sleep in for - the more tired I seem to get.
I had to wake up eventually though, I needed to straighten my room and wash my greasy Ada, ready for Shelly coming to see me.

When I went downstairs, Ian was down there - apprently he'd been sent home from work with a hangover - so dad had made him a greasy breakfast. He made me was up - but he bought me an absolute shiteload of chocolate from Lidl as a reward for doing so. He's got me some of this epic chunky stuff with massive hazelnuts in it.

Shelly came like two hours later than she'd said she would come - so I wasted no time with her.
Seeing as how I couldn't give her her special Christmas present on Christmas day, I gave her it today - oh my poor bedsheets. What torment they endure.

As she'd promised - she re-recorded her lyric for our 12 Days Of Christmas song - and within around 20 minutes, I had it all finished.
I'll admit, it's not PERFECTLY in-tune, but it does fit together bang-on in certain places. And it is fairly amusing after all.

Shelly and I got a lot of cuddly time today - and she needed someone to cry on when her mam rang her up and had a big go at her for absolutley nothing. I held her close to my chest and let her cry on me. When I hold her like that, she doesn't seem so big anymore. She doesn't seem 5"10, four stone heavier than me - she shrinks, turns all soft, scared and small. But I like being there to cuddle her, it makes me feel like I'm protecting her from harm.
Although I also like the opposite - when she's on top of me - pinning me to my bed - making me feel about two feet smaller. I got that treatment today too, mwah, it was ever so fun.

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After we'd taken Shelly home, dad and I went to see my uncle Jimmy, aunty Angela and cousin Charlie. I got to see their new kitten - who is very fluffy and adorable. He liked playing with my shoes.

Jimmy, along with nana and several others loves my anarchy blazer. He gave me a handful of badges and we held long discussions about music while he showed off his extensive collection of limited editon vinyls. When we got onto the topic of Rammstein, he showed me something I'd never seen before:



This is Rammstein's limited edition boxset for Leibe Ist Fur Alle Da - which goes for around £199.99 - and I SO WANT IT.
Dad was very amused, mam was less so. She said I was freaky and I wasn't ordering any sex toys to our house. Hah, that's what she thinks.
Anyway, she seemed to see the funny side of it later - though I still don't think she's best pleased with my Rammstein fandom.

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Sooooooooooooo...
It's Christmas Eve - I've finished updating my backlog of blogs. I did try to continue with our 12 Days video, but I flopped and felt very sad about it. I've tried not to pressure myself with it though - it's still December... I should try and get it up before new year, at least. :/

So now I'm going to see if Shelly will ring me - talking to her late at night helps me wind down and thus, shall help me sleep. Even when I'm proper not off the walls excited - I can never sleep on Christmas Eve.
I'm more excited currently than I was last year, but still not all that pumped up.
I do have Lilo and Stitch to watch too... Films in the dark could help?

Let's hope I get to sleep.
Mwah, Merry Christmas Mindsay.

-  Metzgermeister

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Today was the day of spreading Christmas cheer.
Mam woke me up early to go to nana's - we dropped off some presents and saw my aunty Jack and uncle Keith, who were at my 18th birthday meal out. We stayed there for a while, Jack amused us all with the endless tales of Sara, the autistic girl she cares for. I wasn't laughing at the fact she's mentally ill, I was amused by some of the things she does. The job sounds like it would be tough, yet rewarding with the odd bit of fun thrown in. Luke, another little boy she looks after during the week was there too - grandad was tormenting him, pretending to be an ogre and pulling his own limbs off. It made me feel sad and nostalgic - I do remember grandad being the same with me when I was around three. :/

We came home for a few hours - Shelly rang me from her uncle's funeral - I tried to console her as best as I could.
I'd started writing up the backlogged blogs, when Firefox decided to crash on me and I lost everything I'd written - so I got annoyed and gave up on it for the day - thus resorting to playing through some more of the hard career on Guitar Hero II.

I ONLY WENT AND GOT 95% ON JORDAN.
Five stars, first time. So now I have no excuse for fucking up songs on hard - if I can own Jordan on my first go, I can own any song on hard.
But alas, the same was not the same on expert - I failed a few times at around 54% - and after the fifth try, I'd slid my fingertips back and forth across the pointy raised bit on the yellow key, I'd made it all sore down one side and my wrists were clicking. ...I'll do it one day, hopefully.

Later in the day, we went around to see nana Pat and grandad John - they've given dad a present that's supposedly knitted - so we're debating on what it is. Mam and I are hoping for the worst, pmsl - so whatever it is, he has to wear it on Christmas Day. I wished them both merry Christmas, hugged them and told nana I loved her - then we went off to Susan's and Paul's.
We caught Susan just as they were going out - so we didn't stay there long - but at Paul's, we stayed for a while, watched a DVD of some random shitty school production that my cousin David was in while I drank ice-cold Diet Coke that put my teeth on edge.
I'm not sure if I like David or not - it seems that he still admires me somewhat, like he has done for a long while. He jokingly asked mam if he could swear when he hurt his back and she said no - then he looked at me if I would swear for him; thus I just responded: "Shit." without batting an eyelid, mwah, so cool, calm and collected. He's just too affectionate and everyone seems to like him too much - where I can't see what everyone sees in him.
I think Paul and Debra have done it again this year - last year I got some black skull T-shirts - and the comment from Paul - "Well, I see you're still into them." - sort of confirmed my ideas. Nice one, you can never have too many.

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Shelly actually encouraged me to finish off putting the audio track of our 12 Days Of Christmas together - yet I had to stop when I got to the 9th day, as her lyric was THAT out of time, I couldn't even WavePad it into submission - thus, she said she'd re-record it tomorrow.
Though I couldn't close my perfectly-organised WavePad with all the open half-edited files, organised as I do when I'm amidst a big wav-mixing project - so I just closed down most of the programs on my PC and left it with the monitor turned off - ready to finish it off tomorrow.
I wasn't happy about this though - I'd gotten right into the perfect mindset to do it. I couldn't really concentrate anyway - as mam was in bed and I had to work through dodgy as fuck headphones that barely reached and distorted all the sound. :/

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Today has been long and laborious - even though I didn't wake up until 12:05, I've spent most of the day just slugging along - and I've been in a pretty shitty mood.
I made myself a to-do list - a couple of things I want to finish off before Christmas - hopefully will help the time pass from now until then.

Within an hour, I'd ticked off one of them - which was to straighten out my room and sort out my washing basket. I started working on updating all these empty blogs - I've neglected it for over a week and they all seemed to have mounted up in the meantime. I have around five left to update now - so it shouldn't be long before there isn't any gaps.

I re-started Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire. It's one of few games I'm just have to complete with a walkthrough by my side. The severe lack of in-game checklists and maps makes it a completionist's nightmare. It's not THAT bad of a game, but the lack of this feature brings it down compared to the others. The graphics and controls are a lot more toned and smoother though.

I uploaded all of the videos we filmed on Saturday to my PC and converted them all. I did orignally plan to start putting the audio together - but a few minutes of standing in the middle of the room, repeating to myself that it was going to turn out badly stopped me. Sigh... Why do I do this to myself...?

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When I woke up this morning, I went straight in the shower - then nana greeted me in the living room with a BBQ rib microwave sandwich and some crispy potatoes. It was ever so yum.

I ate this, then sat in the living room with them for a few hours playing Pokémon Diamond - with the strategy guide by my side. I've gotten all eight badges now, before I go to the Pokémon League, I'm just backtracking through all the areas with my loyal HM Slaves, Bibarel and Bibarel - affectionatley nicknamed 'HM Slave 1' and 'HM Slave 2' - getting all the waylaid items and things I previously missed.

I was sat in there afterwards too, we all watched Pinochio (sp?) together - a version I'd never seen before, I've read the book, but I'd only ever seen the animated version, this was a real-acting version - fairly amusing in places. Following this, we shared out Cadbury's Roses and KP peanuts and watched Murder She Wrote and Poirot. It's so weird, I proper like old people programmes.
Dad came for me towards the end of Poirot, but I made him sit while I watched the end - I had to find out who the murderer was.

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I stayed overnight at nana's today - as mam and dad were going out with Christine and Roger - that and the fact the snow made it difficult to drive around, so they used the combination as an excuse for me to stay there - not that I minded like, I like staying there.

For the majority of the day, I've been playing Stitch: Experiment 626. I got around another 200 DNA strands before it started to bore me. It's one of those games that is only bearable in small doses. Certain parts of it just get so fucking irritating - especially for the completionist like me - when you're stuck looking for one poxy strand that seems to have vanished into the depths of the level and you spend like 20 minutes trying to find it.

So when it bored me too much, I decided to start playing Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire.
Compared to the 2nd and 3rd games, this one is terrible. For a start, there's no RPG/Adventure element - they've made it level-based. They've taken away the option to cast whatever spell you want - instead, they've made them context-sensetive. And there's no checklists, maps or anything you could use to aid the happy completionist into getting the all-important 100%.
So I did think about just playing through without collecting everything - but now I'm stuck and can't progress any further without collecting any more shields - but thanks to the games' sheer lack of checklists and general progress checks - I don't know what I've done and what I haven't.
SO irritating...

Though, it does have smooth controls, amusing voice acting and sweet graphics. Though these aren't enough to soothe my rage caused by the lack of progress checks and checklists.

Nana and grandad were going to bring me a bottle of Jaques back from the Labour Club, but they only sold Bulmer's. I don't like Bulmer's though, so they wasted their time, money and effort.

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Today the three of us finished off filming what was needed for our 12 Days Of Christmas parody video. Originally, Ash had said she didn't want to do it - her excuse was her left arm hurting from her new tattoo - fair dos, it was a reasonable excuse... If we'd been say, I dunno - punching each other in the arms? Weightlifting? Crawling into small spaces that chaffed against our arms? You know, general arm-injuring activities...?

So yes, we tossed it aside and we filmed our video anyway, regardless. We did have a fair bit of fun doing so mind you - the snow outside lead to mini snowball fights, a lot of the time whilst the camera was filming - so we'll have some extra filler bits to work with, hopefully.
So, here be some stills and some accidental photos - obviously gained by not having the camera set to video.



Accidental yes - but it's a sweet one of Ash and Shelly. Ash is wearing my Canada hoody lmao. That just proves the height difference between them both. The Santa hats are a nice touch too.



FOUR FAKE NOSEBLEEDS!
Ash painted mine for me - it's weird letting someone else do it.



Three Guitar Heroes!
Shelly's face is a picture, lmfao.



Seiben spieluhr spielen!
The Overseer without the make-up.



Eight scary jesters!
Lmao, Ash strikes again with her epic 'face of fear'.

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Today we exchanged gifts.
We were very naughty girls and opened them before Christmas.
We did it last year too though - roundabout the same time as well.

Ash and Shelly seemed to like their gifts from me - I got them both a selection box - Ash, a book, paints and Oni, for the PS2. Shelly, Charlie sprays and Spyro 4, for the PS2.
Ash presented Shelly with pink fluffy kitten stuff, whilst I got an Emily The Strange poster and Overlord for 360 - not that I didn't know that already... :/

Shelly presented Ash with her Zelda T-shirt and Resident Evil on the 'Cube - my advice well taken and well recieved.
Yet again, I had no surprises - as Shelly is just too easy to crack under interrogation - Rammstein's Mutter album, The Suffering for Xbox, a Metallica T-shirt (which I plan to wear on Christmas day) and a manicure set. Shelly said she'd overheard me complaining about my old nail scissors and files - yet somehow, I still knew what it was going to be before I opened it. XD

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For like the third Saturday - I got another migraine and was forced to take a nap.
Though I wouldn't call it a nap - it was sleeping for five minute intervals, being woken up by Shelly every two seconds.

They assured me I wasn't being ignorant - I just couldn't do much else, asides from huddle in a corner under a pillow, hiding my eyes from the scorchy blindy light that made my head hurt more.
They both played Guitar Hero: Greatest Hits, which didn't bother me, as I was senstive to light, not sound. Then they both went home early because Shelly insisted on it - due to another random snowstorm. Shelly is very safety-driven when it comes to driving in the snow, as she suffered in a car accident as a result of it. I understand that much like.

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The empty water bottle beside the toilet was a good enough reminder this morning - but as I learnt last night, it's damn near impossible to piss into such a small hole - so instead I pissed into a plastic beaker then transferred them over. I've done so much swapping containers today with my own piss - it's so fucking weird, like I was mixing piss cocktails or summat.

Mam took me to the doctor's this morning. Despite her having a whinge about me not being independant enough - all because I was too nervous to go alone - she came along with me without a fuss. When we first got there, it was pretty empty and the doctor hadn't arrived in yet - so the receptionist booked appointments for us and told us to come back around an hour later - and she gave me a sample bottle.
So when I got back, I swapped it from the water bottle to the sample bottle then wrapped it in a sandwich bag. I watched This Morning with mam - and we went back after an hour had passed.

I expected the doctor to be a right arsehole, but he was quite nice. He said there was no need for me to take a sample, but when I told him I'd already got one - he tested it with this piece of paper - and it all went different colours. It was sort of pretty, lmfao.
Anyway, I do have some random infection and there's a fair bit of blood involved so he's put me on antibotics for three days. Oddly enough though - about three hours after I'd taken my first tablet, there was no more pain. I don't know if that's coicidence, or if the tablets were like instant. It seemed it though.

I started playing Stitch: Experiment 626 today. It's not as bad as I expected. Usually games based on films are shite - more so if they're based on kids' films - but it has a fair bit of difficulty, considering it's a game for kids. Fair enough, you have infinite lives, but all of the secrets are insanely well-hidden and I've needed a guide to find about half of them. And there's a lot of difficult grapple jumps and timing required for certain levels.
I'm hoping to complete it in the next few days - I'm seeing if I can complete around 3 games before Christmas.
To finish off this, Pikmin and to start another - we'll see how I do with it.

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It proper snowed again tonight. I got an awesome photo - you can actually see the falling snow:

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I think subconciously, I knew it was going to snow today.
I knew it would be fucking freezing walking up Normanby Road, so I wore my "winter coat", that might I say, I hate wearing - due to the two events it connotes - that and the fact I don't think I look right in coats, so I never wear them. Although, it did keep me quite toasty-warm - and the pockets are a perfect size to slot Lisa into. Speaking of which, these headphones that dad gave me have gone fucked ALREADY. The left one is fine, if not TOO loud, whilst the right one, even playing at full blast sounds like a whisper.

Angela surprised me in English. I wish she'd make her mind up about whether she actually wants to be helpful or if she wants to be a patronising bitch. I spent the whole lesson on the computer, searching for sample spelling tests and general information about dyslexia. It was all quite interesting - more so when I found that I could apply most of the symptoms to Shelly and Ash. She has said she wants SOMETHING for when we're back after Christmas - whatever, I'll deal with that in January. I refuse to do any work for the remainder of December, it's my time to chill now.
Photography was a time for me to print out that what I needed for my sketchbook - which is also getting put back to January. Sod college, it's the end of December now. Dixie wants to rest. I don't have to worry about January exams, mwah.

Shelly and I went into town afterwards. We bought our lunch and I got my last Christmas present - a box of chocolate seashells for David, seeing as how he's always got me Christmas presents and for the past few years, I've done the same as him. I'm not sure if he intends to get me one this year, but I don't mind, they weren't of great expense.
On the way back to the bus station, it proper started snowing. It seemed that my winter coat had brought forth the snow. We were stood in the stand watching it settle as we waited for the bus. Shelly said that she wanted to kiss in the snow - so as soon as we got back to college, we cuddled and kissed on the corner of Gray Street for a few minutes. We got some funny looks from the butch dykes from sporting - but we suspect they're all dykes in denial and they found us highly arousing.

We ate on the 4th floor stairs - and almost got caught by silly cow Rosemary. I could hear her waffling on from the 2nd floor stairs, and I was like "LOL SHIT, ROSEMARY." - for one, we shouldn't sit on those stairs, and we also shouldn't be eating sarnies, crisps, chocolate and drinking Pepsi on them. So we hid our Home Bargains bags behind our bags and behind our bags - but the daft cow didn't even notice us, so it was a bit of a false alarm. Lmfao.

In media studies, Sarah was sporting a fluffy Santa hat, looking very festive, naturally.
She set us all a quiz task, just for the end of term lesson fun. It was Christmas trivia, film puzzles, song lyrics and general knowledge - I was in a team with Amy, Chad and nasal Hannah - and oddly enough, we ended up winning.
We got a selection box to share between us - and I got the Dairy Milk and the Caramel - but I gave the Caramel to Lewis, as I'm not overly keen on them. He seemed grateful though.

I felt so accomplished though - one of the questions was: "What was the first Nintendo game that Mario starred in?" - and only I knew the answer. Donkey Kong, known by the name 'Jumpman'. Rock on Nintendo knowledge.

Lewis and I got the shuttle bus back to the bus station, watching the people outside at the traffic lights getting buffetted about in the snowstorm. Not that we should have been pissing ourselves at these helpless old grannies freezing their saggy tits off - but we were nonetheless.

There was a scary old man at the bus stand - he must've topped seven feet tall - my head was level with the bottom of his chest. I proper shit myself when he started talking to me. He was quite opinionated - ensuring everyone on the bus heard his opinion on the Middlesbrough "ferris wheel." Lmfao.

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When I got home, I watched telly with mam, ate the rest of the hotdogs before the buns went hard - then helped her type up a letter while I organised all of my wrapped Christmas presents into bags. One for Ash, one for Shelly, one for nana and grandad, one for my other nana and grandad, one for my family and the few others I still need to wrap up.

Mam's making me go to the clinic in the morning about my supposed water infection.
It has got worse though - now there's blood on the bog roll. She's making me piss into my old water bottle that I took to college for the past few months - all because I said the water tasted weird in it. So yeah, I'll need to get another bottle for next year. Aw, the Abbey Well bottle was my friend.

But yes - I'm not trained at the art of pissing into bottles. That and the fact I barely had anything to piss - so what I did have, the majority of it missed, went down the side of the bottle or down my arm. I'm going to have to try it again later before bed - or in the morning before I go.
I think mam may have understood my fear, sort of. She's not making me go alone at least - now I just need to wake up daft early so I can go with her before she goes to work.

And here's a photo of the snow in our garden:

Shelly's told me that there's a possibility that she might have a heart defect that could prove fatal in several years. And she even has the irregular heartbeat, so it seems likely she'll have inherited this same thing that killed her uncle. So fucking typical. I find someone I love and I want to spend my whole life with - she turns out to be a sickly bastard, having every disease, disorder and disability under the sun - and now she turns around and tells me she needs to be tested for a possibly-fatal heart defect. I can see her dying on me shortly. And she is the only thing keeping me alive currently...