"Suche gut gebauten 18-30 jährigen zum schlachten...“ - Der Metzgermeister

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I don't even know what caused me to get so upset tonight.
Today was a good day, up until about 10PM.

I went to my nana's, as I do.
Sunday lunch was beef, which was pretty tasty. Nana said she gave me less than last week, seeing as how I didn't finish it all.

I'd brought my DS with me, so I sat in the living room, talking to nana and working on my Pokémon Diamond save, training my monsters up.
Grandad gave me a tenner and kept palming off random chocolate eclairs on me.
I went into the bedroom with nana after grandad had fallen asleep watching his wrestling.

I laid on the bed with my DS while nana carried on with her jigsaw.

I stayed there for a good few hours, I ate tea there - ate practically all of the sausages and cucumber that nana had laid out.
Even mam was in a decent mood when she came to pick me up - she didn't actually make one off-comments, for once.

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I was even playing my favourite game - Final Fantasy VII, drinking Pepsi Max, talking to Shelly on the phone and eating one of nana's steak pies that she made for me to take home with me.

But at about 10PM, I just lapsed for no reason.
And it was one of my worst lapses, because I just had to cut myself, and neither Adam or Shelly could convince me not to.

I only did five cuts - on my upper-arm, which was a better idea.
That meant I could still roll my sleeves up, but not all the way to my elbow.

Naturally, cutting myself didn't make me feel any better.
And I tried hard not to let myself fall asleep so upset, but it was a failed attempt, and I ended up doing what I always do.

I'd been talking to Shelly about my mam - and about my childhood.
But this was after I'd lapsed, so it can't have been the cause.
It did send me to tears and probably contributed to what made me cut myself, but...

Sigh.