"Suche gut gebauten 18-30 jährigen zum schlachten...“ - Der Metzgermeister

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------




Soooo...
Naturally, I had to wake up reasonably early today to go into college and collect the shitty envelope.

As it often goes... We have the good, the bad and the ugly.
But mine is the reasonable, the shit and the unexpected.

The shit of course, is my English Language.
Go and fuck yourself AQA - you pile of wank with your dodgy as fuck exam papers and your shitty coursework.

Put it this way, if I'd gotten a D - I'd be deleting all of my writing and never writing another sentence. As far as I'm aware, DATWBSVOH, TFATH, #1263 and the rest of them are still in their folder.
You are supposed to get two grades lower than your GCSE results.
So I was supposed to drop from my sexy A* to a B - BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

The reasonable is my Photography.
I expected a C - I got one. No harm done.

But it's hilarious - I was the 4th highest in the group for sketchbook marks.
PAUL'S SKETCHBOOK MARKS - hence the reason everyone's got a shock today, he marked them all wrong.

Michelle was first, Ash was second, Shelly was third and I was fourth.
Exam results determined that...

I came first!
I BEAT ASH. I BEAT ASH, I BEAT ASH, I BEAT AAAAAASSSSSHHH!!!
Mwah ha ha, that's all I wanted to do.

I beat her by seven marks. We both got C - which is alright.
But the real shock came when Michelle got a D and Shelly got a fucking E!
I knew Paul's marking was fucked but I hadn't realised HOW fucked.


And now for the unexpected.
Going with the 'drop-two-grades' theory - I should have gotten a B for Media Studies.
Nah. I didn't do that.
GOT A FUCKING A INSTEAD. LMFAO.

Well, my coursework was totally epic and the exam was a pile of piss.
Lewis and Ash both got the same grade for coursework.
We all got Bs for the coursework and As for the exam - which just goes to show, I wasn't the only one who pissed all over it. Take THAT, AQA!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'd barely had my results in my hand for a second when mam had taken them off me and Sarah had swooped over, asking how I'd done.
To which I simply responded: "I don't know, I've only looked at them for A SECOND."
Sarah was pleased with me - she even said that if I carry on the same standard at A2, I could end up with an A*. Sounds alright, but will it be possible?

I passed Dianne on the way out too. She was more pleased with me than my mam was...
And as I was leaving, I had the voice in the head that was saying: "OMG, DIANNE JUST SAW YOUR MAM."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the way home, we stopped off at Hairwaves.
Debbie was outside having a cigarette. She was more pleased with my results than my mam was as well.
Of course, I pulled my modest face. Well, it was sort of modest - sort of embarrassed at how shit my fucking English grade was.

I got my eyebrows waxed.
It was weird this time, I actually had it done in the upstairs room, laid on this random bed with some weird arse piano concerto coupled with ocean sounds playing in the background.

I've discovered that apparently I have beasty follicles - which apparently makes waxing my eyebrows hurt a lot more than it'd hurt anyone else.
But it proper DOESN'T hurt. :/

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When we got home, I played Super Smash Bros.
I managed to finish the single-player mode with Samus, along with finishing one or two of the shitty bonus levels - with thanks to video tutorials on YouTube.

Mam came up, she'd been out and bought me a reward for my results, along with a card that was addressed to "MEDIA GENIUS".
Inside it said: "We are VERY VERY VERY proud of you" - I wonder if she means that. I'm pondering, is mam like me? Is she far better in words than she is in speech?

Either way, she gave me cards to give to Shelly and Ash too.
I rang Ash not long after I'd gotten home - her mam is proper buzzing off the walls.
And she's gotten her place at university - good on her.

But back to the point, this is the arrangement of stuff that I pulled out of the bag she presented me:



Modelling clay and Haribo Maom!
It's a very colourful collection of stuff.

So naturally, I started making things, as I listened to Rammstein and ate chews.
All I have to do is look around my room and there's endless characters jumping out at me.
There's Link, Spyro, Crash Bandicoot, various Pokémon, various Simpsons characters, Mario, Luigi, Donkey Kong, Wario, Cortex and several Happy Tree Friends characters.

So of course, I can't decide who to make first!
I've made three today:



There's Pikachu - my first.



Made on request by mam - Psyduck.
When I asked who I should make next, she said "that orange duck who always had a headache"
There's the figure to compare it too, but I think I made him a bit TOO orange...



And straying away from the Pokémon theme - Homer Simpson.
He was proper staring at me from my collection of action figures on top of the bookshelf, so I made him too.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I went downstairs after this and watched telly with mam for a bit.
We watched Come Dine With Me and Roar.

Then I persuaded her to come play on the Wii with me.
We started out playing Wii Play - but she got fed up with me winning dramatically every time, so we swapped to Guitar Hero.

Now this persuasion worked a little TOO well - we were playing from 4PM till 7:30PM.

We started out on Expert-Guitar, Easy-Bass combination, but then mam wanted to go on vocals.
So I swapped to drums - so then we had Medium-Drums, Easy-Vocals combination.

We went through all the songs on GH: Greatest Hits that she knew, then we switched to GH: World Tour to play more.
In all, we must've played over 40 songs in total.
Fucking hilarious at some parts though, mam's freestyles were just EPIC.

"I don't want to freeeeeeestyle, coz it's embarraaaaaaassing... But I get points, soooooo...!!!"

We had to keep pausing the game though, because people kept ringing us both to see how I'd done in my exams. We had nana, Ian, Paul and even Tracey had congratulated me over Facebook.
But of course, dad didn't even ring me up. This gave mam something else to moan at him about, but...
At the same time, this upset me. He was even in my room at one point - the two cards for Ash and Shelly, along with my results slip was ON THE DESK. He put them on the bed without even glancing at them or sparing a thought.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Then I ate chicken legs and chicken noodles. A mint combination.
I watched How Clean Is Your House? with mam, then this random documentary about this woman who tried to smuggle cocaine through Cuba.

At 11, I spoke to Shelly on the phone for an hour.
It was a conversation with mixed emotions.
I had my occasional shout at her when she started being stupid, talking about how she's starving herself to get to a size 14.
Seriously, if she ends up thinner than me, I'll feel so fucking self-concious.
I'd never have sex with someone if they were smaller than me. Bigger is fine and the same size is fine too.
I don't care how fat someone is, as long as they love me for who I am.

But if they were thinner than me, I'd utterly refuse to be naked with them.