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Dixie currently feels:
Smiley Depressed

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Blog #248
REALLY, Why.


I expected today to be better than it was.
We had a good start, a REALLY shit middle then the rest perked up a little, but didn't return to how good the day had started.

Shelly proper wouldn't let me sleep. I hadn't had enough due to her proper pushing me out of bed - so I certainly didn't fucking appreciate being woken up at 7 in the fucking morning.
She woke me up like every fucking hour following this, so I was still half-asleep on the airbed when Ash arrived at 12. It was funny watching her climb over the airbed. Then they both pulled the duvet off me because they're knobs.

We started the day with Guitar Hero and snacks.
Ian was round, so he was in and out and I was up and down - we were talking about our usual stuff - games. He surveyed the PS2 games I've collected so far. Oddly enough, he approved of them - and even said that Herdy Gerdy is supposed to be a pretty good game. I'd never even heard of it, I just bought it because it was a) cheap and b) a platformer/adventure game.

Then of course, Shelly has to ruin stuff by ranting at me.
Mainly me, but she unneedly included Ash and made her cry.
Shelly was facing me, and I kept miming "Ash is fucking crying because of you" until she ended up turning around to comfort her.

She even kept bringing it up when we were eating, despite the amount of times I'd told her "NOT NOW."
And as she always fucking comes in the kicthen and hassles me when I'm preparing stuff or cleaning up - I was pissed at her enough, so I certainly didn't need her then.

Dad could see I was pissed off and he asked if I was alright, but I made out it was mainly because Shelly was proper in my fucking face - those exact words.
So he went in there and told her. Ha ha ha.

I hated Ash leaving knowing she was still a bit upset. I gave her a big hug, hoping she'd cheer herself up. She knows just as well as I do how much of a knob Shelly can be sometimes.
I only really despise her when she makes Ash cry. Seeing Ash cry makes me want to cry too, so...
Saying that, I don't suppose me doing the slit-wrists hand motions towards her when Shelly was out of the room helped matters.

If Shelly hadn't stayed longer, I would have done.
But even then, she made me upset.

She tried making me feel better, but it ended up making me feel worse.
And despite the fact I didn't want to, and she knew I didn't want to - I felt fucking obliged to do things to her. I didn't do anything but rub her - but when she said "Is that all?" after 10 minutes - she'd done me for less - she made me feel worthless and like a failure so I just cried. With no hesitation or anything.

I didn't do it to deliberatley make her feel shit, but I hope it did.
She consoled me a little bit before she left, but today was just a prime example of how she can ruin a day that I expected to be decent.
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