"Suche gut gebauten 18-30 jährigen zum schlachten...“ - Der Metzgermeister

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This is horrible.
I've had a perfectly reasonable day - yet I've had a moment of destructive lapse and now I feel like slitting my wrists as per usual.
 
Fair enough, I've felt pretty shitty recently. I'm unsure why. The slightest little thing has been making me depressed and suicidal for hours, days even weeks on end. I felt reasonable yesterday and I've felt reasonable for practically all of today - it was just from 9PM onwards. I don't even know what triggered me. I can't even see this trigger. Normally I can recognise them.
 
About today, anyway...
Shelly said she was coming earlier so we could express our love for each other colourfully, as we do. But she came well later than she'd said, so we only got to have a little quickie. It was alright, I suppose. I'd have liked longer, but if that's all I could have had, I wouldn't have been THAT bothered - because along with my shitty mood recently, I've also had a massive loss in sex drive. It sucks. I neither want it or want to give it. I make myself give it, because I don't want to upset Shelly. I don't enjoy it as much as I normally would, but I don't despise it either, so...
 
Ash came at about quarter past 12 and we kicked off our day with some Nintendo 64 action.
I don't know what it is with Ash, but if she knows I have new games, she doesn't like me to leave them until I've finished other ones. She likes me to try out all my new games as soon as she's there, or as soon as I can.
 
Thus, she requested that I play Turok: Rage Wars.
My first disappointment came when I realised I couldn't actually save my progress because I don't have a controller pak. But I disregarded this and carried on to the single-player mode.
Now this is where my entire failure at first-person-shooter games became apparent. I can't aim to save my life. I'd miss the first few shots before I actually got to kill the bastard dinosaurs.
 
I also didn't like the controls. The control stick was for AIMING. The C BUTTONS were for MOVING.
I was just like WTF.... The C buttons are usually fairly useless on most N64 games. They're just for camera control or special moves.
 
I suppose if I was a lover of shooting games, this would be a pretty good game. But the fact I despise the entire genre has indeed put a negative slant on my opinion. At least I can recognise this. I can make valid points when I express reasons why I do and don't like games. (I'm not a stubborn biased little cow like Shelly is - although this opinion is about to be proven wrong towards the end of this blog. )

This irony of my terrible aim then became apparent when I tried to squirt my magic ink at Ash's shirt. I aimed about 4 inches too high and instead of getting her chest - I got her in the face. Totally missed my target... Her face was pretty hilarious, but then I felt really guilty about it. I still do.
 
Not giving up on the N64 though - I played through the first hour or so of Conker's Bad Fur Day. I had to make sure I included the boss fight with The Great Mighty Poo and the cutscene with the prune juice and the cows.
Ash and Shelly are a right pair of miserable gits - when Adam and I played CBFD together, we were in absolute fits, but they didn't find it half as amusing as we did.

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The next few hours were taken up by sharing round my jar of fruit rock and playing through the band career on Guitar Hero: Metallica.
Dixie played lead, Shelly played bass and Ash played drums. We were a reasonable set and we bagged a fair few 4 and 5 star rankings. Shelly and I continued on for a few songs afterwards when Ash got bored.
I want to finish off the band career - namely so I can mark it down as BEATEN on my Backloggery.

I made us turkey drummers and waffles for tea.
When dad was upstairs on the PC, I must've started to get the sugar rush effect from the fruit rock. I went into this weird mood.

I was sort of describing a hot sex fantasy to Shelly over the table. I knew I was half-serious - the look on her face was fucking hilarious and Ash was absolutley pissing herself. I can remember most of it, lmao. Let us document it here so I can look back and get aroused over it.

"We could go into the kitchen together... You wearing your chef whites and your hat... And you can make me a cake. You can sit me on the worktop while I watch you mix up the batter for me... Then you'd let me lick the bowl... You'd ask me if I wanted extra chocolate chips and I'd be all like (sexual voice) 'OH YES CHEF...' And perhaps I'd beat you on the bum with a fish slice..."

- And it sort of carried on like that for about 10 minutes. I'm fucking epic at making up things on the spot. I didn't even stumble or falter - it just kept on coming for quite a while before I ran out of ideas.

Shelly was like: "YOU'RE BEING SERIOUS AREN'T YOU?"
And I'm like: "...I MIGHT BE!"

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Dad letting me have a pint of fruit cider did absolutley nothing to calm this hyper mood down either.
I was doing a weird combination of laughs - ones I'd never even heard before. Ash kept giving me the look then pissing herself at me.

The two of us got Shelly to play Legend Of Zelda: The Wind Waker.
We both thought she wouldn't even try it - but she got up the the pirate ship hold. Fair enough she's a bit dozy and we had to lead her about first - but she even proved how quick she understands games. When she got to the Outset Forest, I said "right then, you know what to do, you can do this bit by yourself" - and she was purposely running round in circles, but she knew EXACTLY the way you had to go.
Fucking slag.

Ash went home at around ten to nine - and Shelly got her wicked way with me.
I still felt reluctant at first, as I have done for weeks, but we finally got somewhere.
I didn't do her for very long, so I told her not to do me for long either - but within 10 minutes, she'd got me to do that which I hadn't been able to do for so long. It felt fucking amazing - but then I cried.

And from crying, lead to sort of bawling.
It was the usual crying I do after climax, but then it sort of turned into upset crying - and I wasn't even sure why I got upset. Shelly and I didn't get much time to sort it afterwards either, because dad took her home at 10. I dried my eyes and went with her in the car home - but when I got back, I cut myself.
If only I knew WHY I'd gotten so upset... Perhaps I could have sorted it myself and stopped myself from hurting myself, but...