"Suche gut gebauten 18-30 jährigen zum schlachten...“ - Der Metzgermeister

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Seeing as how I didn't get to see Shelly alone yesterday, today was the next closest day to her birthday, so I chose to see her today. Before she came, I washed my hair, straightened up my room, hoover the floor - did all the general preparations that I do - then sat down to wait for her. I waited it out in style, assembling a quick playlist of some of my most-played top-rated songs, then making another attempt at the 2nd run of the Flopside Pit Of 100 Trials. Ach, how it is a cunt.

Shelly came when I was at about floor #89 - and she watched me finish it off.
At a time, I didn't think I'd make it - then I levelled up and my max HP went to 100HP, and was refilled - and then I was like PHWOAR, COME ON THEN SHADOO.
Kicked their arses and snagged those sexy rare cards.
Super Paper Mario is about an hour or two away from complete game mastery. Mwah ha ha.

I was in a weird mood today - really really turned on - so it wasn't long before I'd taken everything off and Shelly was getting her wicked way with me.
It wasn't fair - I couldn't do anything back because it wasn't the happy time of the month for Shelly.

We ate lunch together, hung out the washing - though Shelly is a blundering twat when I ask for her help with it, she just stands there and STARES at the washing line. Knob.

In one of our mad moments, we were trying to work out who had the biggest mouth - and naturally, I thought the best way to work this out would be to see how far my fist fitted into my mouth, then how far it fitted into hers. I tried it, but I pushed too hard on her throat and I felt her gag reflex - and she was a little bit sick on my hand. When I pulled it out, there were chunks of pizza on my knuckles. It was so fucking gross.
I have a phobia of vomit, so this lead to me legging it to the bathroom, holding my left fist at arm's length - then scrubbing away at it OCD-style.

Shelly is so self-doubting and gullible.
We were attempting challenges on Guitar Hero 5 - mainly the band challenges that prove easier with less people, and less bodge-ups from dopey Ash. One of the challenges was a simple "hit a 300 note streak" - and Shelly didn't think she'd managed it. I knew that she had - so I made a handshake bet with her - if she had, she had to lick my arse-crack.

And naturally, she got fucked over. Her face when the scores, percentages and note streaks came up was hilarious - it was the proper 'blush-whimper-hide-face-in-hands'.
But then she had to be a slag and try and kiss me with her befouled tongue - which was kinda yucky - but I did secretley enjoy being pinned to my bed.

Then we had a mooch through some of my old videos on my external harddrive - just proving to Shelly how much of a knob I was when I was 15. And we shared out some Petits Filous yoghurts - though I nabbed the vanilla one, because they're epic. So Shelly decided she'd be a slag and wipe the lids of hers on my nose. Gah.